I hope this finds you well and getting into the Christmas spirit. Last Christmas we were in Botswana with the family dealing with intense heat, power cuts, a relatively psychotic level of competitiveness playing board games and then we had a Christmas lunch so monumental a lot of us took pictures to immortalize it.
Unfortunately, this year I have turned into the Grinch.
This festive season has made me so grumpy. For a start it is really cold and as a southern African I only do hot weather in December. To be fair my comfort and warmth level would be aided by a decent pair of shoes which I now have.
My general Grinchness hasn't been helped by the fact the spirit of Christmas seems to have been re-awakened sometime in August, with shopping centres dusting off their stuffed reindeer and waking up the local Santa from behind a skip while people were still wearing shorts outside. I always forget the good folks at Coca-Cola invented the modern Santa, so I don't know why I am always so surprised at how cynical the marketing is. Anyway, like all of these things as long as kids have fun and get spoiled, that's main thing as far as I am concerned. Plus I like buying presents for people so it can't all be bad.
We will probably be at our place in London with Pegs, my mother-in-law so it will be a quiet one. I am looking forward to just chilling out and seem to have gone into a hibernation mode.
Before I leave my Christmas rant, what the hell is it with all the cologne and perfume adverts? How ridiculous can they get. Some anorexic actress riding a motorbike through Rome telling us its a man's world, which sends men scurrying down to their local department store to blow £50, proving that it clearly isn't a man's world. Or some irritating model telling us he is not going to be the person he is expected to be anymore, by predictably meeting all the expected requirements of being a turd. And finally Brad Pitt looking like a camp cowboy telling us that "when the world turns, and we turn with it." What does that even mean? At least they haven't resorted to Santa asking me if I have the Armani Code.
I can also attribute my general grumpiness partly down to the fact that I now have completed the full circle of side effects of the steroids now that I have added hives and some kind of angry eczema to the boiling pot. For those of you know the erstwhile Dr. Zoidberg from the show Futurama, my face has turned the colour of the good doctor which is a kind of boiled crustacean pink. I have enclosed a picture to give you an idea of what I am talking about even though Dr. Zoidberg doesn't have a ridiculous goatee like I do..
Whilst my general pinkness is a cosmetic issue, the itchiness from hives is really unbearable and has caused me as many sleepless nights as all of the other health issues I have suffered from over years. It feels like millipedes in high heels are stubbing out cigarettes on my face, neck and shoulders.
Otherwise we have been trying to get on top of things. Jay is now working 4 afternoons a week tutoring Britain's yoof. The kids seem sweet and hopefully Jay can help them improve their reading and writing. She baked a cake for her mom's birthday recently that has caused a stir amongst those lucky enough to have had some so I reckon we start a bakery if things get really tight. I sometimes wonder how she puts up with me but maybe I shouldn't ask too many questions. I did find an advert in the local classifieds offering to trade me in for a decent set of measuring spoons but she denies it was her.
Combined with the sheer amount of appointments and nursing visits we are continually busy. Last Thursday I had 5 appointments in one day, and ended having a power nap in the bathroom. The sores on my left leg are healing slowly but now I have a new sore on my right leg but hopefully it won't develop into anything nasty. That is a bit disappointing but as my doctor keeps on telling me, my immune system has been compromised. My cousin Kate has stocked me up with Chaga mushrooms so hopefully I am fighting my susceptibility to continual infection.
It is great seeing our friends even though we should have caught up with everyone by the middle of next year the rate we are going. I think after Christmas we should be ready for a mission down to Kent and then down to Dorset to see family and friends. By then I should have also made a plan to see all my old work colleagues. I have to really psyche myself up to do things as my energy levels are so low, but slow and steady wins the race.
I have been spending quite a lot of time at Trinity Hospice, where the various people who work and volunteer there have been really supportive and have given me good advice. I have been getting really frustrated with things since this all started as it really hard to accept that you can no longer be totally independent or do simple things that everyone takes for granted. I used to just get angry with myself but I am trying to calm down and not get too anxious to do everything at once.
The fact is that when you are given a terminal prognosis you think that you want to do everything right now, as there seems to be a sense of urgency about the the smallest things, but given that I am sometimes so physically tired it becomes a matter of trying to find a balance between what I can do, what I feel like doing and what type and strength of medication is coursing through my veins. It is all pretty unpredictable and of course irritating as you have very little control over it.
For example, a few weeks ago we finally made it to the cinema after a really stressful week to watch the new Bond movie and I managed to fall asleep during the climax of the film. At least I didn't start snoring this time.
So everyone thanks for the messages, we love to hear from everyone and will get back to you eventually.
Have a great Christmas and we'll be in touch in the New Year.
Lots of love Bruce and Jay
