It's been a year...

Today it's a year since Bru left us... it's hard to know what to say next - what I know now is that I find it difficult to know what I am feeling some of the time let alone articulate it to others but I will give it a go.                                                                 

To summarise, life is just not as good without Bruce in it.  Bru was often described as larger than life or being a big presence and he certainly was. I feel his absence all the time. Although it's still hard not to only feel his loss, I also remember his humour and laughter and the fun we used to have even just doing silly day to day things. 

I have to admit though, at this time of year, it's harder not to feel anger and sorrow and the unfairness of everything that Bruce endured, especially in the last months and weeks of his life.  I am working on taking a leaf out of his book and trying not to wallow in it.  Instead I will, and hopefully we all can, remember his bravery, determination, strength, kindness and positivity.  Last year Bru's family wrote a couple of things that are really meaningful and worth remembering, especially as we remember Bru now.  

'Bruce was so much more than simply his illness' and 'my life shall be poorer for your passing but will forever be enriched with your memory.' Kev

'You leave an enormous gap in everybody’s lives. We can try and fill this abyss with a million magnificent memories of you.' Chubbs

'But you were always brave, Bruce. Particularly when Dad left us. You were a source of strength for Mum and brought her much joy.' Clive

'The world is definitely lesser with Bruce not here.' Grant

   

There were so many lovely memories and thoughts shared about Bruce by his family and friends so I am doing a separate blog post to share some of the eulogies written for him.

Bru requested that half of his ashes were scattered in the Matopos.  I am so grateful that some of the Allardyce side of the family were able to make it to Zim last year to join my mom and I to celebrate and scatter Bru and his family there together.  His mom Ali and his sister Kimmy came from Australia and Kev, Leigh, Grant and Siobhan, his beloved aunts and uncles, came from SA and Bots. It was an emotional but special day and all the rest of our families were with us in spirit.  We scattered Bru with the ashes of is special Aunty Claire, his Granny Jon and Grandad George and his brother-in-law Kenny who Kim so sadly lost suddenly last October. All of them left us too soon. It's special that they are all resting (or probably partying) there together now.  I'll be thinking of all the 'Allardyce' family today and sending lots of love.

        

This year I have learnt that I tend to shut down a bit and put on a brave face which is fine for me as it helps me to cope but I imagine, a bit frustrating for those around me who are trying to check how I am and always get lumped with the answer 'I'm fine'.  So family, I am so grateful for and appreciate your love and support even though I don't always show it.  I have been lucky with the way things have worked out this year to have been with my family most of the time and of course, I've had the joy of becoming an Aunty to the cutest baby Spencer who brings us so much happiness already. I know Bru would've loved you. I am also very grateful to all the Allardyce family, special friends and to everyone who has messaged and supported me over the year, persisting even when I don't always respond.  

I can imagine Bru saying to me now 'Okay Jay, you're not doing an Oscars acceptance speech so wrap it up...'  That's true so to wrap it up I would like to share some of Bru's music.  Bru was always a massive collector of music and he loved just about any type. He was passionate about it, was always making playlists and burning CDs for the car (yes, he still did that) and he also loved to share it with his friends. I thought it would be a good way to remember Bru so I have created a playlist selecting a few songs from his many playlists (I haven't been able to add everything I wanted to just yet so I will be adding to it as it is impossible to choose - I have made it a collaborative list so you are welcome to add anything that reminds you of Bru if you like).

 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1FYm0MD30xM2cBDF6QJyse?si=EykieSLLSsiRwH8NTuURXw

In Bru's final wishes he also requested some songs to be played at his memorial so I thought I would share them for those not there.  

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7w1CzDPQS5FWOw3xMiouKi?si=KlX1C_XpTl6f1mae1EN-_A

The inscription on our wedding bands is 'my love, my life, my friend' and that is what Bru will always be to me.

Love to you all,

Jay

 

(As a side note, if you haven't written down your final wishes anywhere, maybe have a think about doing that.  It's not a great thing to think about or do but I can tell you that it was so nice to know that I was doing what Bru would have wanted and that he was involved in the planning in some way.)